something needed to change

Sunday thoughts

“We love thee, Lord, our hearts are full. We’ll walk thy chosen way”

My heart was full as I sang this line of the hymn at church this morning.

This week all I could think about was the situation I’m in compared to the situation I could have been in.

On Friday, Zartico had another round of layoffs. 25% of the company was let go.

Chopped.

Just like that.

1/4 of the employees including Riley, John, and David.

I can’t help but think that would have been me, too. No doubt about it. Two of my peers and an engineer on my team with nine more years of experience than me cut from the company weeks before the holidays. Out of a job during the most difficult time of year to find a job. No income and a family to care for. I feel for my friends that have lost their jobs. It’s caused me to reflect on the past year and the journey we've been through.

After Esther passed away I took a couple weeks off from work. In hindsight, that might not have been enough time, but I just didn't know what else to do.

When I went back to work at Zartico things were different. I didn’t enjoy it anymore. I had started to lose interest earlier in the year when we were living at the lake house, but in May when I went back it was even worse. I didn’t look forward to coding or solving problems and meetings were even worse.

I couldn't even focus on work.

It felt pointless.

I had a recurring feeling that something needed to change. Something was nagging at me to look for another job. I liked the benefits of working from home and working for Zartico. I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner with my family every day, went to the gym with mrdave every morning and still had a decent income with medical benefits and very little responsibility compared to other managers and directors. The positives of the job were also the negatives parts.

I didn’t see a path for growth. I had been denied my attempts to get promoted multiple times. I started to believe that my future with the company wasn't going to change any time soon.

I loved being with my family, yet also missed the social aspect of working in person with a team. My pay and medical benefits were good, not great, and didn’t seem to be changing any time soon. It was the epitome of good, not great. The perfect example of average, not exceptional. The thought of being complacent with that unchallenged work life and not challenging myself worried me. Both for myself and as an example to my kids.

Turns out, God had a different story for me.

God wanted me to grow, stretch, and change.

And that only comes when things are uncomfortable. In June the feeling kept coming and wouldn’t go away. Finally, in July I decided to start acting on the feeling and looking for a new job. By August I had a couple job interviews lined up and in September I had two offers.

With the fear of going unchallenged still active in my mind, I opted for the more challenging job. I accepted the offer to work at Redo.

Five weeks in and the level of pressure and difficulty at Redo compared to Zartico is drastically different. So much so that its hard to describe. I regularly think to myself, "Knowing what I know now, it's hard to believe that Zartico was ever going to become the company the executives said it would."

My hope is that this will translate to growth for me and my career.

Time will tell.